Ramblings #22

A different kind of morning pages

The five stages of grief, for me, have been commonly referenced enough through film and shows and albums and art that this concept became something different from a psychological study and more of a popular mythology.

But I’ve discovered, recently, that there’s also plenty of clinical study toward something known as the five stages of change. This is more professionally known (you know, with a blazer on) as the transtheoretical model.

It’s beyond fascinating to me that grief is something popular enough to discuss, and yet stages of change have never really come up in media that I’ve been privy to. If any of you have references to any media that directly mentions or suggests the stages of change, please, I’d be very interested in knowing your experience with them!

The stages of change are as follows: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance.

Studies suggest that the majority of time for change is spent in the pre-contemplation and contemplation stages.

I appreciate this description of pre-contemplation from Nahrain Raihan:

People in this stage often present as resistant, unmotivated, and unready, and unwilling to change. Furthermore, this individual often obsesses about the negative side of change rather than recognizing the benefits that they would gain. In other words, the cons outweigh the pros. Should a pre-contemplator present to therapy, it is likely to be due to the constant pressure of others in their life, who are likely pushing them to seek help. At times, they may even exhibit elements of change as long as the pressure from others remains present and constant. If that pressure to change is no longer present, Precontemplators will quickly return to their old habits. How does one progress to the next stage of change when there is no consideration of recognizing a problem in the first place? Consciousness-raising therapy, in addition to changes in life circumstances, may help. When people enter a new stage of their life, they tend to critically evaluate their behaviors and consider if those behaviors are serving them and those around them in a positive way. Until they gain such insight, an individual remains in this pre-contemplation stage and will continue to engage in adverse behaviors.

This model (TTM as it’s abbreviated) can be used for any types of necessary changes: quitting addictions, new patterns and routines in life, social toxicity, and bodily changes or illness.

I won’t pretend that I have the answers necessary to explain neurobiologically and psychologically how to change. In fact, I am pathologically resistant to change (I have something known as Adjustment Disorder).

But what fascinated me upon learning about this is:

Why does so much of our media try to contend with tolerance and acceptance of grief, but doesn’t discuss the true ordeal of grief which is in accepting the change of life?

Every day is filled with hundreds and thousands of small griefs. I have eaten the last bagel and therefore I grieve the bagels. Today’s sunset was three minutes earlier than yesterday’s and therefore I grieve the slow death of our daylight.

Yet from another perspective, every day is filled with hundreds and thousands of small changes. I have changed to wearing wool socks. The mail has started to arrive two hours earlier now.

What do you think is at stake in trying to gather more acceptance and even celebration of change? That one can need to change and it can not be so dramatic as to be a death. I need to start going to bed earlier; it might kill me, this whole sleeping business, but not for probably another thirty years at least. I need to stop caring so much about whether a ceiling light is on or off in any given room; electricity saving or consideration, at least, won’t kill me, as the individual’s responsibility to climate change is magnitudes smaller than even the instance of mining the materials necessary for even one tablet.

Two noteworthy statistics at the end of the paper linked above:

For every behavioral change, about 40% of individuals will not be ready for this change.

And, individuals who begin preparing to make a change within a month of beginning to contemplate this change are more than double as likely of committing to this change than those who take longer.

I’ll take this as permission to act more impulsively. Sure, think about your actions. But change when you wish. You’re clinically more likely to succeed at your change if you commit to it early and often.